I have a friend named Surjaan, he has a complain to make. He thinks he has no great friends who can understand him and if not believe at least support his unconventionally peculiar thoughts and ideas. He has a blog and I often visit it. I found a post titled ‘ The Expressionists’ which I think expresses him very clearly.
This paragraph explains his unusual behaviour:
“When people say they do not care what others think of them, for the most part they deceive themselves. Generally, they mean only that they will do as they choose, in the confidence that no one will know their vagaries; and at the utmost only that they are willing to act contrary to the opinion of majority because they are supported by approval of their neighbours. It is not difficult to be unconventional in the eyes of the world when your unconventionality is but the convention of your set. It affords you then an inordinate amount of self-respect. You have the self satisfaction of courage without the convenience of danger. BUT THE DESIRE FOR APPROBATION IS PERHAPS THE MOST DEEPLY SEATED INSTINCT OF CIVILISED MAN. I do not believe the people who tell me they do not care a row of pins for the opinion of their fellows. It is the bravado of ignorance. They mean only that they do not fear reproaches for peccadillos which they are convinced none will discover.”
And this, his inability to openly express himself:
“Each one of us is alone in the world. He is shut in a tower of brass and communicate his fellows only by signs and the signs have no common value, so that their sense is vague and uncertain. We seek pitifully to convey to others the treasures of our heart but they have not the power to accept them.And so we go lonely side by side but not together, unable to know our fellows and unknown to them. we are like people living in a country whose language they know so little, that with all manners of beautiful and profound things to say, they are condemned to banalities of conversation manual. Their brain is seething with ideas, and they can only tell you that the umbrella of the gardener’s aunt is in the house. But I know a way of expression where you do not actually have to form sentences or paint pictures or create melodies to reveal yourself, you just have to stand and bow before the Creator, THE REHMAAN.”
Dear Surjaan! There is a friend who understands you.