The Sorrows of Young Azfar

It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it says Maugham in Of Human Bondage. It is so indeed. But it is not unhappy either. A youthful age is a period of all a man can achieve. Seize the day or lose it forever. Days and nights of young age are full of unfulfilled dreams but one can say that for old age too. On the river side at night an old man is standing gazing at the stars, the ambition as high as those he could have reached. A young man looks at the stars and smiles when he remembers his capability to reach ambitions as high as those little twinkling lamps. There is in me a storm unlike this calm beautiful river.

A young man like me thinks of this world as created by One Almighty Being Who has established an intricate system of causes and effects, an unending chain, philosophers search for the ultimate Cause and scientists study the ever increasing number of causes and their effects. When they understand a particular point of nature, they name it and earn the respect of the world for days to come. Now the One has created this chain and therefore He knows how things may act and how they may produce different results. So He knows about the future , in a way I can say that the future is written and all is destined to happen, is this what they call destiny? Or is it a purely scientific view of it based absolutely on reason? This is one of my sorrows. I do not understand. Think of it as a straight line in space. The starting point of the line represents the beginning of the universe. Mind that its the universe that is visible to our mortal senses. Now look along this line and you will find all the ages that have passed, you will see the wars , ‘the Revelation of Light from on high’, various nations, their beginnings, their ends, kingdoms, their rises, their falls, keep looking till you see the present moment! It is beyond our capacity to look further.

Aren’t we caged, bound by the nature? Aren’t we prisoners in a most complex gaol? When I stand up for prayers at night and the recite chapter of the Quran about declaration of Allah’s absolute unity, I feel like I am a statue and now a gust of wind will blow and break me into fine particles of dust. That gust of wind is my own slow recitation of the ayahs. I experience the truth.

Then why am I heedless when all the symbols are engraved on my heart?

 

That is one of my sorrows and it has killed me.

 

 

 

Young Azfar

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